I finally believe

Yesterday at work I was in a conference call meeting. In the middle of it someone's brother came to me. He was more curious than insistent. I felt him walk up beside me and without closing my eyes, I looked through my "minds eye" at his stature. It comes as an impression of an outline of his body. I generally can feel how tall and broad of body, or how their demeaner is, friendly, outgoing or short of temper and moody. He was a big man, loving, a family guy and a practical joker. He conveyed to me that he was the man's brother. Its difficult for me to describe to you how I know who they're talking about.. it's just "known".. its as if we share knowledge without words. He wanted me to let him know that he was with him. I decided it wasn't a good move, not the proper time or place and put my foot down and kept my mouth shut. Who's in charge on this side anyway?

On the way home I spoke to this man and told him. "If you want me to tell him, you're going to have to let me know when and where or provide an opportunity of how, when and where, because I can't just walk in and ask.. is your brother dead? by the way..he says hello". I left it at that.

Today a coworker told me she keeps smelling cigar smoke. She works for him. Sigh. I know she's psychic.. she knows it..but her and I both are learning as we go. I decided to tell her.. I asked.. does he have a brother who passed away. Imagine my surprise when she knew the answer "yes".

So ask him sometime if his brother smoked cigars. Because I think he's definately wanting him to know that he's around. But it was when she said "yes" that I finally accepted and have faith in my messages. Why do I always doubt them, hard to break old habits I suppose.

Paying Attention

It was 5:00 and I was still in my conference at work. They knew I needed to leave by 5pm all this week because I'm on fire call this week. I'm a DAT Team Leader volunteer for the Red Cross (Disaster action team). Basically it means any major fire calls from 5pm to 8am that come into my county while I'm on call I have to respond with a team to assist.

I left, at 5:15 but while walking to my car I heard mewling. I thought it was kittens..but it definately sounded like they were in trouble. There's a very active road/hwy right outside my building and as I heard them meowing loud and angry I knew they were hurt. My friends who read this know .. I'm not a cat person. I'm just going to leave it at that so i don't offend anyone.

Instead of going to my car I went to find the cats, this was so much a sound of distress I couldn't ignore it. I walked and walked...and even crossed the hwy.... I thought ok.. now I can hear them still..but where are they? I searched the bushes but the crying still sounded far away. I realized as I went for the woods that even though I was walking toward the sound, the sound never got any closer.

I gave up. I thought they were deep in the woods and I can't get to them. I returned across the hwy to my car and pulled out down the road. I heard them again... or still... and I realized they still seemed just as far away.

I went home, and a terrible blackness was in the sky in the distance. I thought crap (ok.. I guess I need to be honest here...I though Shit, I hope that storm blows over.. because its going to be a long nite if it doesn't) The fire call came an hour later at 6:20 and I was talking to my sister when the call came.. I hung up and called a team to respond and left. While I was on the scene, chills came up my scalp and not 30 seconds later a local resident came around the house (which was heavily damaged) announcing that "they found the cat". Just then, I got another call ... another fire... it was a kitchen fire.

I asked two of the responders to this fire to work with the dispatcher getting the details of the next call while I worked with another volunteer to finish up this one. We finished up, they gave us the notes for the next call and all four of us left. I barely had time to think. about what just took place. To add stress to my night a semi truck cut me off on the highway as I left one scene heading to the next. I slammed on the breaks and reached for a smoke and swore. (I left them at home.)

We got to the 2nd call, it was a kitchen fire but very minor. While we chatted I mentioned how glad I was that the missing cat was found alive hiding in the bushes at the first fire. One of the volunteers turned to me and said.. but its sad that it was the only one who survived. I gave her my deer in the headlites look. She said, "didn't you know? Five burned in the fire".

I was floored... as the sounds flooded my head again... of the cats crying out in distress. I know I couldn't change it. I know I was only receiving it as a precursor to the event. Its not for me to change. Its for me to pay attention. Time isn't Linear. Pay attention. You may know it before it happens, it doesn't mean you can affect a change, it is merely a lesson to .."pay attention", Thank you Michael for teaching me that.

Love knows no boundaries

He was not only the man's best friend, he was his body guard. And even now, he guards him in death as he did in life. He died in the tub from a gunshot to his head and I can't discuss the details. Though he's been here three days this week, yesterday morning was the most active. We both were eating breakfast when we heard the water overflow and trickle out onto the linoleum floor.

We were eating breakfast at the dining room table, on carpeting. I know he has something that he wants me to tell his friend. I think first he wanted me to make sure I knew who he was. Day 1 all I knew was his description and the pain of the persons death, in the head.

On Day 2 I realized who it was, because his friend came online to talk to me for the first time in 2 months and told me an amazing story of finding love. I knew then, who was in my apartment and, in a way I knew why. Day 3 was the breakfast event and I'm thankful that he found a way to let me know he was here without the pain in my head.

It was my sister who explained to me how they can bring the sounds, smells/events of the last moments of their time on earth. I understand that better now. I've had three such encounters.

I'm going to call this man George. I know his real name but I'd rather use a pseudonym for him online. There was a second event last night, though minor. I knew he was with me on the car ride home. I talked to him and told him I'm not ready tonight. I told him that I knew he was there and I needed to get some sleep tonight so please let me sleep peacefully and told him I will listen when he's ready to talk to me. I slept well. Thank you George, you're a gentle giant and a loving man.

Change

I had a visitor today. Work has been incredibly rough this week, I haven't been certain that I could survive the "storm" and tide of discontent. My mom came to me today, in spirit. I didn't see her but heard her. My right ear began a high pitch ringing, I was in the ladies room at the time. I went to leave and when I grabbed the door I heard "wait, stay for a minute". It surprised me, but as usual, I heard it in my head not my ears. She told me more will come tomorrow but I will be effective, to remain calm and my thoughts will stay together. She sent me a wave of love, then I heard the ringing again.. and she was gone.

Amazing. I really don't care what storm comes now. Knowing they are there helps me face it all with a smile. Life is Good.

A few Tidbits.. August 16?

I'm not sure the relevance but I was told to be alert. I asked why and got only "August 16". Now that's either a personal event or something broader. We'll see.

Nothing much happening lately. I'm watching the shuttle stuff with baited breath (See "Lost in Space" entry earlier). Plus watching the earthquakes because of a warning dream last week for a zone of the US. Looks to still be very active there. Had some compression thumps in my right ear today. (No sis I have no idea what direction I was facing)

I've discovered typing in a blank window helps me focus to hear the other side.. Once I get started sentences flow instead of broken words here and there. I think I'll try working on that skill a bit more.